You know that feeling you get when you’re alone, after you’ve turned off all the lights in the house and you head to bed? When you feel as if you’re being watched? When your breathing slows so that whatever presence your subconscious believes is lurking in the dark can’t hear you? When you start to see figures and faces in the shadows — illusions created by your mind to justify the panic you’re feeling, to tell you “you shouldn’t be here?”

I’m here to tell you that you are being watched. That there is something hiding in the darkness of your home. Watching you… Listening.

I’ll tell you my story.

I was marathoning horror films in my living room, my nightmare marathon as I like to call it. The lights were off of course. Only the soft glow of the TV screen illuminated the room surrounding me. It was the perfect Saturday night. The only thing missing was my girlfriend. It didn’t bother me much. She hated scary movies and her clinging to me would rip me out of the immersion of whatever I was watching. She would force me stop any movie at the sight of the smallest bit of gore. That meant no Texas Chainsaw Massacre, no The Human Centipede, no Cabin Fever, and none of the Saw series. It was much better without her and her whining. Watching gory horror films in the dark, alone, was so much more fun.

I live in a nice house in the woods. My neighbors’ houses were spread out and at night you couldn’t see anything past the trees. No lights. No sounds. All alone. A perfect way to experience the best in horror.

I already watched The Shining, The Sixth Sense and was almost done with The Grudge (2004). It was the iconic scene where the croaking Onryō crawls down the stairs as the main protagonist watches, dragging her boyfriend’s limp body to the door. The scene had just cut to the little boy at the stair railing when the power in my house went out. I snapped back into reality.

The moon dimly lit my living room through the sliding glass door and it was the only source of light now. Discontent with the sudden loss of my nightly entertainment, I gazed at the moonlit forest.

I was watching the gentle swaying of trees in the distance when that feeling slammed into me. The hairs on the back of my neck rose sharply and chills raced down my back. I instantly broke out into a cold sweat. It’s a feeling that everyone knows. My senses sharpened and I thought I could hear a light shuffle in the kitchen behind me. I turned slowly, afraid to alert whatever it was but it was nothing. It’s always nothing, isn’t it? We work ourselves up, fearing the unknown, only for it to be nothing.

I can’t see my neighbors’ houses from mine so there was no way for me to know if the power outage existed beyond my home. It’s not uncommon; I live in rural Idaho and the infrastructure out here is always breaking down. I decided to check the circuit breakers for my house. With any luck, I’d just have to flip a few switches and I’d be back to watching evil spirits indiscriminately kill whomever unknowingly stepped into their domain.

I lived out here long enough to know that you don’t go outside at night without a gun, no matter how quick you’ll be. There were always bears, mountain lions, and other wildlife lurking in the shadows. I went upstairs, got my shotgun, and headed to the garage. It was tough finding my way through a house blanketed in darkness.

I opened up the front door and the smell of moist air rushed into my nostrils. A storm was coming and the trees pulsed with the wind. I looked up and the moon was covered by a thick layer of clouds now. It was always nice to be outside in the moonlight. Once your eyes were adjusted to the darkness it was easy to see and the darkness of the night was always calming but it would take a while longer to adjust with the moon covered.

I headed out to the breaker box, soaking in the cool air and the fresh, floral smell a thunderstorm brings with it. All the breakers looked fine… It was just the monthly power outage we had to endure no matter how much money the government gave the power company for infrastructure. I decided to stop for a moment to enjoy the night before the rain would keep me inside.

I was looking just beyond my property line in my backyard when something caught my eye. The shadow of a face? It looked eerily like my girlfriend. I thought maybe she was trying to pull a prank on me and scare me while I was watching movies. Maybe she decided to skip out on her plans and come hang out with me. Maybe she saw that the power was out and knew I’d be sitting there on the couch, right where I always was. She had the perfect view of my living room from where she was laying in the grass.

I decided I was going to mess with her and act as if I didn’t see her hiding. I walked around the corner towards the back door, pretending to be oblivious to my surroundings. The silhouette tracked me as I moved yet remained unmoving like the eyes of a painting as you walk past. My hair stood on end. Blood rushed through my veins as my heart pounded faster and faster. I turned toward the grass and could still see the face staring. It didn’t move against the swaying background of grass.

I could feel my breath stop as I raised my flashlight to get a better look.

A loud bang behind me stole my attention. It came from the far end of my living room, near the stairs. In the split second I looked into my home, whatever I had seen outside was gone. The wind had picked up and I couldn’t tell where I was looking before. I tried to go inside but the door was locked. I don’t know why I thought it would be unlocked.

I called out my girlfriend’s name, “Ariel! I know you’re out there trying to scare me!”

No response.

I stared at the grass for minutes, trying to figure out what I was seeing. I let out a quiet laugh. I mean, why on Earth would my girlfriend be hiding in the grass outside my house. It was 11:30 at night, she was afraid of spooky ghosts in movies, and she was out with her friend to celebrate her friend’s birthday. There’s no way she would come over to my house and build up enough courage to hide in the grass to scare me. It was probably just a raccoon or some other animal.

We always have to justify our fear. It’s a reminder that we don’t see reality for what it really is. Our brains just do their best to interpret the signals our eyes and ears send it. Even still, rational thoughts don’t block that uneasy feeling. I hurried back around the house to the front door and quickly closed it behind me as I stepped inside.

I had barely sat down on my bed when my smart doorbell sent a notification to my phone. I finally relented and bought one after countless commercials about them. They were “smart technology”, the “internet of things.” I don’t care how smart they are. They’re not smart enough to work when the power is out.

I checked my phone as my heart throbbed. I opened the doorbell app. The video feed was out but I could hear the audio, a faint whine. I was trying to figure out what was making the sound when I received a call from Ariel.

“Hello?” I answered.

“Hey, Jason! I’m pulling up to your house now, we called the night early. Emma had too much to drink.”

She was as cheery as usual and didn’t sound the least bit drunk. I was surprised. I figured she would have been drinking the whole night as well.

“Ok, great! I’ll come down and open the front door. The power went out so I had to cut movie night short.”

“Okay! See you sooooon,” she squealed.

It was strange, she said she was pulling up to my house now but looking out the window, I didn’t see her car anywhere along the driveway. It didn’t even sound like she was driving. She usually talks to me on speaker phone and I always get annoyed at the background noise. Her car is old and makes way too much noise. I heard a knock on the door and thought she must have been parked on the side of the house.

Another notification from my smart doorbell popped up. She knocked again as I rounded the corner at the bottom of the stairs just in front of the door. Gripping the door knob, I looked through the eyehole expecting to see a smiling Ariel but nothing was there.

My heart skipped a beat as I pulled away from the door. In the corner of my eye I caught a shadow floating past the window in the room next to me. Again the hairs on my neck stood up and my breathing slowed. Normally, I wouldn’t feel so uneasy from a small prank but I had been on edge all night and Ariel’s antics weren’t very amusing.

I picked up my phone and called her.

“Jaaaaashhhhhonnnn!” She answered, slurring her words.

“Ariel I know you’re hiding around the corner, I saw your shadow in the window.” I could hear music in the background, the thumping of bass and muffled yells.

“Whaat? I’m out with Emma and Sherry! Shtop being annoying.” She was obviously drunk and not outside my home. I could feel my gut tighten and my eyes dilate at the realization.

“You just called me and told me you were done for the night and pulling up to my house. What are you doing?” There was a long pause before she answered.

“I never called you, Jashon. We’re shtill at the bar and I’m staying the night at Emma’sh. I have to go, it’s too hard to hear you. I’ll call you when I get to her house”.

I could hear Tony’s voice in the background when she hung up. I told her she wasn’t allowed to see him anymore, I never liked the way he talked to her and now she was going to cause yet another fight between her and I.

When the call ended, I received another doorbell notification. My stomach dropped and I froze. The last of the air in my lungs evacuated. The storm was getting closer and the wind became louder. I thought I could make out a whisper, “Jaassonnn” in a gust of wind. I moved slowly to the door and hesitantly peeked through the eyehole. Nothing.

It was darker now. Thick black clouds blotted out the light from the Moon and rain began to downpour. Living in the country meant feeling uneasy. It meant seeing and hearing unfamiliar things. It’s just how life is when you’re all alone in the middle of nature. I was used to the paranoia of this lifestyle but this felt different.

It was getting late and the storm meant the power would be out quite a bit longer. I decided it was time to lock up and head to bed. The power would be on by the time I woke up. I turned and started to walk to the back door. I was going to double check all the locks like I normally do.

As I approached the back door, I noticed it was unlocked. It should have been locked. I didn’t unlock it. I looked up and in the grass just beyond my property was the same familiar face. It was darker now. I had to stare to make out the silhouette and the soft shadows across its surface.

Electric chills exploded from the back of my neck and raced down my spine. Every signal from my brain told me “you shouldn’t be here.”

I quickly latched the door shut, closed the blinds, sprinted up the stairs, and slammed my bedroom door shut. Sometimes I could hear the light patter of footsteps on the floor below me and the whistle of the wind that sounded too alive at times.

I sat at the edge of the bed with my back pressed firmly against the wall. I watched in horror as my bedroom door creaked open and a woman walked across my room. She sat at my desk and muttered something to herself while my body froze rigidly in place.

My instincts told me that I had to leave at that moment. I slowly rose from the bed and crept towards the door stepping lighter than I ever thought possible. As I moved past the woman and through the door, she jolted upright with her head fixated towards me.

I rushed down the stairs but slipped on the last step. I heard the woman in my room call out, “Robert! Is that you?”

I tried to get up but the floor was slick and I couldn’t gain any traction. I looked down and I was lying in a pool of blood. There was a trail that led to the back door. I scrambled to my feet as the front door started to open and I ran towards my only exit, the back door.

The moon was no longer hidden by the clouds and I could see the trail of blood leading into the tall grass. I was drawn to it. As I walked closer I could make out a body. Ariel’s body.

I started to hyperventilate as I tried to grasp the gravity of what I was seeing. There was another body next to hers – a man’s. A wave of calmness washed over me. Lightning flashed overhead and my reality changed in an instant. I remembered everything. It was as if I finally woke up from a foggy dream.

Ariel came home around 2am after celebrating Emma’s birthday. She was sobbing outside the front door in a state of drunken stupor. She confessed to cheating on me that night. Well, not exactly. In her lack of sobriety, she became a bit too flirty with Tony. He tried to get her away from Emma and take her to his house but she rejected him. No matter how many times she said no to him, he only became increasingly agitated. Emma was able to get Ariel away from him when he became aggressive. She called me shortly after and told me she was coming home early that night.

As she broke down in tears, she told me that Tony had followed her in his car but he swerved off the road before turning down my driveway. I sat her down on the couch and gave her a glass of water while I went to get my phone to call the police. I was still searching for my phone when Tony started to pound on my back door.

I rushed to my gun safe… Glass shattered downstairs… I unlocked my safe… Ariel screamed again… Every one of my senses focused on one goal, to protect her. I took out my shotgun, loaded three slugs as I ran out of the room. My vision narrowed to a pinpoint as I lept down the stairs but I was too late.

As I landed on the last step of the stairs there was a loud bang. My ears began to ring and I collapsed to the ground. My vision started to fade as I watched two boots walk past. Tony picked up my shotgun and walked out the back door. It felt as if hours had passed, though I know it couldn’t have been more than 30 seconds from the moment I was shot to the moment he left my home.

The ringing in my ears subsided and I could hear Ariel again. It was barely a whimper. I gathered every bit of strength left in my body and crawled to my back door. Every movement was agony. Every lunge I made reminded me how close I was to death.

She was lying just beyond the edge of my backyard, in the tall grass that marked where my home meets the wilderness. As I layed there, only a few feet away from her, she let out a final whisper, “Jaassonnn.” The world went black.

I’ve relived that night over and over and over in torment, as if I were being punished for not acting sooner. A nightmare so lucid that it would be impossible to discern it from reality if it weren’t for the world of the living bleeding into the hell I’ve been entrapped in.

As the anniversary of that night approaches, I become more and more aware of the real world. At least, the world that was once reality for me. Year after year I beg the new inhabitants of my home to find a way to release me from this cycle. Year after year I am left alone, trapped in purgatory. Year after year I gain more control of the real world around me, as if the longer I sit in purgatory, the more I’m rejected by death. I’ve become much more capable in the ten years since her death and I’m writing this as a plea to anyone who is reading.

Some are more perceptive than others and my efforts only drive them away. Others only shiver when I walk by. Some scurry up the stairs after they turn off the lights. No matter how they reacted, they always left. When you feel like something is lurking in the darkness, watching you. When you feel the hairs on your neck rise. When electricity races down your back and commands your body to sprint up the stairs. It may just be a plea for help.